Called out.
I love my friends dearly. They really made my freshmen year absolutely amazing but I feel that they always see the most unflattering parts of me. The parts where I am too quick to judge but sadly most of the time I judged correctly. In that window of time when they I judged to when the see what I see I feel that I am always seen as the bad guy. The guy that always seems to be on someone’s ass about something. I absolutely hate this idea I get that people are beginning to not like me because of this one characteristic of me. Am I the bitch of the group? I tried not to hurt people but I guess the act of calling people out results in hurting peoples’ feelings, well damn. Honestly, I feel that I shouldn’t stop doing this but more like I should just stop caring so much about others sometimes. People need to fail and thats that. If they can’t handle some criticism they will just learn it the hard way,from people who really don’t give a fuck about them. I used to try to help by first addressing the problem and hopefully they will realize what to do but really…. things never turn out that perfectly.
I’m afraid of what this thing of mine will do to my friends. I never had this problem before since my friends back home had the same mentality and my family were of course naturally critical so I was surrounded by it. Being in some place new means new people. I guess that I have meant people who are more sympathetic then me and that are also more sensitive. Not that I’m saying that does people are weaker or whatever but… I’m learning how to work and live with them.
Also I have learn again that I reflect exactly how people treat me. It’s a nasty thing I do but it never seems to go away. If you are being just accidentally rude or disrespectful to me I will do the same to you…Spiteful much, oh yes. Meanwhile, If you are the sweetest to me I will adore you will all my heart’s desires. I must find this balance since it is something a very ugly site to see. It tends to stir up problems and that is definitely the last thing I need to deal with.
Overall, I feel like the bad guy but with a god heart. I am blunt and to the point which can be jarring for some and the people who can understand my absurd mannerism it is seen as good hearted but harsh. Am I at fault for being to harsh or is it that some people just don’t understand my way of trying to help. It’s gotten to a point that I just glaze over it now and what is done is not my problem anymore. I feel that I am losing this sense of wanting to help. I hope they and I can try to both understand each other so work with it. As of now I feel like the bad guy. I hate it sometimes yet I becoming slowly numb to it. I promise I mean well. Truly.
Life is An Alternative 
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