Have I Frighten You Away?


Naturally I try my hardest to help out and I do try to make people around me happy but has it gotten to a point that I help too much and I’m not getting the same amount of love back? I know that might sound selfish but really….I tend to do random acts of kindness without thinking….maybe I’m just too soft and devoted to people around me. Isn’t that the point of strong relationships with others?  Being devoted??? Well no one thinks exactly the same so I guess some people don’t really realize what I’m trying to convey to them so they just take it as a complement.  ORR…. even better I over think things! 😀 I’m known to do that..but when do I know when should and shouldn’t over think things. Certain things seem deeper then others…. My point of view is wack! 😛

Hmmm….maybe my conclusion is that my over devotion to one person might actually scare people away with the weight that comes with an overly loving person. Yet…I can be very blunt and down right mean. My thought process is that if you do something to break the implied trust I will never fully trust you again unless you make it up to me. Harsh? Well life is pretty harsh so why shouldn’t I be. Even in the Buddhist religion, no matter how peaceful it is there are harsh punishments for “sins.” But the different is that punishment is meant for you to learn what you did wrong and correct it…unlike me…where I’m just either I trust you or not..with some exceptions.

You have gotten me in a lost


We all have been through it. Not quite sure what the hell to feel about a person. On your logically side of thinking seems to not match up to my emotional side. On side I have a thought that things will not work out yet then conflicting with that I think that maybe things will work out the way I want it to. Yes, I’m pretty novice at the dating game but still from what I been through…lies, misunderstanding, sex, lust…. I have a pretty clear idea on what I want. But the number one thing that overshadows most things is commitment! It might be a personal problem or something…I’m chill with that..just don’t try to lead me on to something that you know will not work out and I end up being used. I don’t want to become a bitter person that lives alone in a huge house with only memories with no one to share with. Take action. If you those very few people that are just lucky enough to just get partners on there own with trying good for you but for the rest of us we must put some work in it.

Not to be a bored but keep it clean.


With our pop culture so infused with sex where is innocents of life anymore. From such a young age kids are exposed to soo much sex (if if they don’t know it.) Think about it, pretty much every pop artist has at least one song about sex or it’s implied. It so disturbing seeing little kids singing these songs about sex…ahhhhahhhah. Also for real, even what I personally been through it is so easy to get fuck up these days. Do we even have anymore self respect?  Don’t you think it a little gross when little girls walk around with super deep v neck tees thinking thats “Sexy.” Then boys saying that they can’t wait till they sexed up.

To tell you the truth, this topic only hit me because recently I was reading something about my friend and then I ran cross the word “virgin” and for a split second that word didn’t register in my head.

Art + Past = Now?


Well I have been thinking a lot but about..frankly more about my style of art and I was wondering “Am I too focus on the past?” I was recently flipping through my sketchbook and I notice a theme of things related to Victorian era, Architectural stuff, basically everything about the past..but why? It seems like that Im stuck in the past unlike my other peers that seem to be more expressive, modern, contemporary…. Some people say that I have a very specific style which is a good thing because one day you will get a very strong follower of your art. Yet, I’m still not sure is it timeless or stuffy? I can personally say that it does fit me very perfectly because I do appreciate things with are a montage to the past. I might be a old person at heart! 😀

Yet I still try to keep my art fresh and innovated with trying new techniques! Recently been doing a lot of more 3-D or assemblage style art…except it is just a little bit more refine and clean cut. Also I have been experimenting with layering with different papers.

Oh life


Oh life. Oh how I love you but why? For real I think is such an interesting thing to think about. From the past,where is see where I made mistakes,memories I either do or don’t want to remember,lost,love,….questions that I answered. Just thinking about the past for me is just crazily amazing. The past is where my inspiration comes from.

Present, one of the shortest parts of your life. What is happening at this very moment. Really present is just that very small unit of time that you are living rift now. Like by the time I’m done typing this…it would have been already the past. This place is where you experiment, make mistakes…literally live.

Future,I know this is cheesy but it’s true…you never know what’s going to happen inthe future. How would the actions of the present effect us later in life? For me just the thought of what mitt happen scares me. I can out all the hope that one day my life will turn out like my dreams but in reality some will change. So what? What do you think what is in store for you? Happiness,loneliness, things I constantly think of of but will never get the true answer until it actuall happens…by the. You can’t change the outcome.

Epic Win! and Compare not Argue


Yes as every already knows that TOY STORY 3 was one of the most epic movies of this generation! Seriously,I’m glad to say I saw that opening day and one day when Im super old I can tell all the young people that “I saw Toy Story 3 in the theater! Hell yes! ” People are just raving about how “perfect” it was. From my point of view I especially appreciate that Pixar took so much time and energy perfecting every little detail of the whole movie. Seriously you can’t say you were just in AWWW when everything just seem so real and “in this world.” Everything from the hair on Andy’s head to the ceiling in the daycare….I could go on and on about how amazing this film is but I don’t want to bore you out of your mind.

Anyway, I been think a lot about the concept of “god” and how it really effects our lives in so many ways. For me growing up Buddhist there was no legit “god” more like a great teacher that we all show respect and learn from his teachings. From what I know, In the Buddhist religion we are all equal…which means that we are humans are at the same level of divinity as Buddha himself or a cat or fish…so I have that I idea in my head of mutual respect for one another. Yet within that Buddha has a feeling has a feeling that he is better….(maybe that’s just me) but I guess he is kind of better then us because he is technically the “Enlighten one” which is everyone’s goal in there life time(s). The more you understand about being enlighten the more you are closer to heaven (loosely used) but if you keep on committing more hateful or just basically not morally good stuff are are farther away from heaven and from being “enlighten.” Also being enlighten is not that easy…first you must have the mindset of being good basically; you can’t just be doing good deeds and hoping that you are going to heaven..no. Just because you are doing it doesn’t mean that are truly understand being good. You must think through and deeper and try to  let go of all negative things in your heart. Get my drift so far…basically you can’t be superficial about being good-hearted…you must be good all the was through. Then you can go to heaven.

Then in contrast with Christianity, from what I know of that religion basically Jesus came and help people with his epically cool skills then he was sent to die on a cross (that represented that he is dying for us) then on Easter he came back proving that he is god or god’s son…something in that nature. FIRSTLY!!!I’m not trying to bash on Christianity!!!OK trust me I have a lot of really close friends that are Christians are they are really good people. I’m speaking overall or generally. The problem I personally have is that I feel that it is kind of hopeless because isn’t the whole point of being good is because you are looking up to Jesus but technically you can’t be as good as him because he is more divine? For me I think it not far because I think everyone should have a chance to be as good as our spiritually leader. Also it seems that there are some few minor problems like that you can do a whole SHIT load of good deeds but technically you can have a bad heart and that can still pass and you may proceed to heaven. Also something about confessing sins will clear up your sin cup? Instead of confessing and doing something about it you don’t? And just going to Church makes up a good person automatically? hmmmm….maybe I just don’t truly get the religion.Someone help me out here.

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